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Surviving the Apocalypse with Whiskers and Paws: A Prepper’s Guide to End Times with Cats

When the apocalypse knocks on our door, it’s not just the two-legged members of the family we need to think about. Our feline overlords – I mean, companions – need their share of prep too. Sure, they’ve got nine lives, but why take chances? Here’s a few things you can do now to ensure Mr. Whiskers isn’t just another casualty in the dystopian future.

1. The Ultimate Cat Survival Kit:

First things first, assemble a cat survival kit. This isn’t your average kitty backpack. We’re talking about a waterproof container filled with all the essentials: a two-week supply of cat food (because let’s be honest, they won’t eat just anything), water, a portable litter box (apocalypse or not, no one wants a messy situation), and, of course, their favorite toys (to maintain sanity – theirs and yours).

2. Feline First Aid:

Learn some basic feline first aid. In a world where vet visits are a thing of the past, knowing how to treat minor injuries could be a lifesaver. Include a pet first aid book in your kit, alongside cat-safe medications, bandages, and flea treatment. Remember, in the post-apocalyptic world, Google won’t be there to answer your frantic searches about “what to do if my cat eats a mutant cockroach”.

3. Training for the Unthinkable:

Ever tried herding cats? Well, now’s the time to start. Train your cat to come when called and to stay in a carrier without a full-blown theatrical drama. It might seem impossible, but with patience (and a lot of treats), you can prepare your cat for quick evacuations. Bonus points if you can train them to hunt down zombie mice.

4. Old-School Cat Tracking:

In an apocalyptic world where high-tech solutions like microchips are about as useful as a chocolate teapot, we need to go old-school. Think engraved tags with your last known bunker address or a secret code that only fellow cat-preppers would recognize. Attach these to a sturdy, apocalypse-proof collar. It’s also wise to keep a recent photo of your cat in your survival kit. Not for identification purposes, mind you, but to remind other survivors that you’re the human of the most adorable feline in the wasteland. It might even score you some extra rations.

bartering for catnip5. The Art of Bartering with Catnip (and Discs):

Never underestimate the power of catnip. In a new world where currency is obsolete, catnip and disc golf discs might just be the gold standard. It’s best to stock up on both, but one or the other will do. Catnip is not only great for keeping your cat entertained but could also be a valuable bartering tool with other cat-loving survivors. “I’ll trade you three tins of tuna for a bag of catnip” could be the new business model.

If you prefer to stock up on disc golf discs, those can also be traded for cat food in a pinch, so it’s up to you to decide the best prepping currency.

6. Training for Post-Apocalyptic Disc Golf: A New Survival Skill

Think disc golf is just a leisurely park game? Think again. In the post-apocalyptic world, disc golf could become the new pastime for maintaining sanity amidst chaos. So why not get ahead of the curve and start training your cat to be your ultimate disc golf partner?

Cats are natural hunters, and with the right motivation (read: treats), they can learn to chase and retrieve discs. It’s not just about fun; it’s about honing their agility and your coordination — skills that are invaluable in a world where agility could mean survival. Plus, imagine the entertainment value when you and Mr. Whiskers start a game of disc golf amidst the ruins of civilization, giving you both a much-needed break from survival duties.

Sure, it might sound a bit outlandish now, but when you’re the reigning champion of the wasteland disc golf league, you’ll thank yourself for those training sessions. And let’s be honest, in a world turned upside down, who wouldn’t want a disc-golf-playing cat by their side?

In Conclusion:

As we’ve explored, preparing for the end times with cats is about more than just stocking up on food and first aid. It’s about ensuring both their physical and emotional wellbeing — and yours. From the practicalities of sturdy tags and training, to the surreal yet potentially vital skill of playing disc golf with your feline friend, each aspect contributes to a well-rounded survival strategy.

So, when you’re practicing your disc golf throws with Whiskers perched on an improvised basket, remember: it’s not just a game. It’s about building a bond, maintaining a semblance of normalcy, and keeping both your spirits high amidst the desolation. In the post-apocalyptic world, these moments of joy and companionship will be as crucial as any supply in your prepper’s backpack.

In the end, when the dust settles and the new world emerges, those with the foresight to include their cats in their survival plans, disc golf skills and all, will not only survive but thrive with a purr and a smile.

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